Animal Within
by Dulcet Darling
Summary: Drabble-y fic that follows Peter, Sirius, and James on their journey to becoming Animagi, with Remus, and how they use this new magic; an honest look at a group of teenage friends still in the process of discovering who they are. A better drabble than summary, of course. DH-compliant, canon.


**author's note** This is a Marauders fic, and it includes all four Marauders. When you ignore Peter, you begin to excuse him. If the other Marauders all disliked and picked on him, and he wasn't really part of the group because no one trusted him... well, it makes James (and Sirius, who suggested it) look like a special kind of idiot for choosing him as secret keeper. I will always include—_really_ include—Peter because he was their friend; he was funny and a little foolish and always up for whatever his crazy friends were up for. His fatal flaw was cowardice, not malice, and that's the real tragedy.

**o o o**

"I'm not a wolf, Peter."

Remus had had to remind Pettigrew of this fact several times already during the discussion the Marauders were currently engaged in. Lycanthropes, although they shared a common ancestor with the modern wolf, were an entirely different creature—and far and away the more dangerous to human beings. There were some instinctual similarities, but those were mainly related to pack mentality and had very little do with what Remus would and would not find himself inclined to kill in his... affected state.

"You know how you only eat when you're hungry, except when there're sweets around?" Remus asked, trying to explain yet again the difference between the desire to hunt the fare of a common wolf and his inclinations as a werewolf. "Let's say humans are sweets and everything else is just... salad."

"But it's all food." Peter looked skeptical.

"You don't get it, Peter. He's saying that if he's not hungry, and there's nothing about to tempt him, then there's no need to eat." Remus nodded at James, grateful that someone had finally proven capable of making it plain to their mousey friend. Peter didn't look thoroughly convinced, but then he was always surrounded by a faint air of confusion. This was likely as close as they were going to get.

"So I think I, at least, am beginning to see where Animagi come into it," Sirius grinned from across the table, reclining against the wall. "But I hope you're not expecting us to register, Moons?"

"Register?" James raised his eyebrows in disbelief. "How are we meant to go about it at all? That's advanced magic and we're not all Remus!"

Remus shook his head patiently; it was the kind of knee-jerk, offhandedly flattering response that one was likely to get from James. A little unnecessarily self-deprecating, besides, as Remus considered James far and away the cleverest of their group (though he and Sirius were tied for least studious.) None of them were particularly unintelligent; even Peter, who sometimes seemed to be working overtime to process all the information coming at him, was often an above average student. Besides:

"I wouldn't be suggesting the idea at all if I thought you weren't capable," Remus said calmly.

"So what _is_ the idea?" Peter asked. When James and Sirius shot each other looks of condescension, Peter retorted with an irritable: "I know, I know, Animagi. But what are we meant to do once we've managed transforming, anyway?"

James and Sirius could say what they wanted about Peter: that was the best question so far. Remus grinned—they were really getting to the crux of his idea—and elaborated. A little.

"We're meant to do what we always do."

"Follow James about and piss around?" Sirius queried. James and Peter laughed, but Remus just raised an eyebrow sardonically.

"I think, perhaps, you will be more inclined to follow me around."

"Look, Moony, don't take this the wrong way, mate," James sounded apologetic. "But are we really meant to let a werewolf loose in the castle once a month and expect a few untested animals to keep you from making a monumental cock up?" What he did not say, but that they all understood, was that a cock up of lycanthropic proportions would likely mean the maiming or death of a student.

"You know I don't stay in the castle," Remus said, and the other three perked up. This was the only fact they knew about where their friend spent the full moons—because he'd had to tell them so, to discourage their nightly forays around the school. He was concerned they'd be caught and punished for it. They were thrilled to think they'd finally be able to discover where their Headmaster had arranged to hide a werewolf.

"Well, what if I can't be fagged learning how to turn into a goldfish?" Sirius asked, only half-joking—he really did hate the idea of extra work, even with the trade-off of being able to do more mischief at the end.

Remus seemed to think. "Then I suppose... you'll be stuck up in the castle while Peter, James, and I are parading about the Forbidden Forest."

Sirius groaned. "Alright, alright, Moony. Threaten me with death, torture, homework—just not exclusion!"

**o**

Remus had been right when he'd (rather privately) thought that James would be the first to complete the transformation. After some serious soul-searching and several botched attempts, James was finally able to become the stag that, they now knew, was his animal form. He had kicked up his heels, thrown his antlers around (nearly goring both Peter and Sirius) and then seemed to pause. Such a look of concentration had come across their friend's ungulate face that Sirius dissolved into laughter. James pawed the ground angrily, mused a moment longer, and was a boy again.

"Hey!" he said, when he found that he once more had a mouth which could produce human speech. "You can laugh all you want when you've finally managed it. 'Til then..." James simply grinned and crossed his arms. Sirius rolled his eyes, but Peter was already back at his own attempts.

**o**

Remus occasionally felt a little put out as he watched his friends struggle with a new magic that he would never get to practice. He'd done extensive research into the matter of werewolf Animagi—and they were an excessively rare phenomenon, with good reason. The last recorded case of a werewolf who had attempted to become an Animagus (only two having existed prior) had been recorded in the early 1800s and ended as badly as its predecessors. It seemed that werewolves, unsurprisingly, were always wolves in their animal form. However, it took only a matter of weeks before the wizard found he was unable to figure out how to return to his human form. By the next full moon, when the wolf became a werewolf (more wolfish than before), the unfortunate man would be stuck in a constant, violent rage tearing at himself and anything within his reach. If there was no one around to perform a mercy killing, he would wreak such havoc on his own body that he would effectively commit suicide.

But as he watched James (who had now mastered the willful transformation) slip effortlessly between stag and boy, Remus felt that he could understand the temptation that that unfortunate soul would have suffered. Someone who was so used to becoming a beast, who felt that it would only be the most natural evolution to go from wild and uncontrollable to a deliberate transformation, would be irresistibly drawn to the idea of such premeditation. Remus was, of course, far too learned and rational to be much enticed by the temptation but he did consider it from time to time. Especially when Sirius managed his first transformation and Moony saw, with no little jealousy, the very... _normal_ canine that his friend became. Nothing like the terrifying wolf/man hybrid that Remus knew he himself was each month. For the first time, he was self-conscious. All of his friends, whole and in control, running alongside him as he became totally unhinged and _beastly_. It had seemed like a good idea at the time.

Remus was drawn from his reverie by a terrifying, high-pitched noise. He looked around in alarm and then followed Sirius and James's gazes to the floor where there was a rat in what had previously been Peter's place. Although, he assumed it was still Peter's place as their friend was nowhere to be found. Not far behind Sirius at all, Peter had finally succeeded in discovering his animal form. When he made it back to his human shape, he pouted.

"A rat?" The first words out of his mouth. "Really?"

"Ahh, come on, Peter. Rats are brill. No bones or anything. You can fit through really tiny little holes." James was laughing, but Remus knew that he understood Peter's disappointment. The werewolf had a sneaking suspicion that James had rather thought he'd become a lion. "Plus the added benefit of that wormy little tail. Ladies'll be all over it."

"At least it's original," Sirius snorted. "Sirius. The dog star." He shook his head, wide-eyed with disbelief at his misfortune. "It's so predictable!"

"Well, I don't know if it's as predictable as mine," Remus joked, raising an eyebrow.

"Why, Moony?" Peter asked innocently. "What do you turn into?"

Sirius and Remus laughed, and James reached over to slap Peter on the back. He grinned at his own joke, all disappointment at being a rat momentarily forgotten.

**o**

The next full moon found all four boys running back to the Shrieking Shack, their cheeks flush with the cold, to where James had stowed his invisibility cloak behind a shrub. The coming dawn was turning the sky grey and once they were all gathered under the cloak, making excited eye contact and grinning at one another, not daring to make a sound, they began the walk down the passage and back into the castle. Remus had a few minor scratches on his hands—and Sirius had a rather nasty cut on his back—but they were all far too thrilled with the way their evening had gone to mind much. James whipped the cloak from their heads as they approached the Fat Lady and fair shouted "Billywig!" at her. She shot them a judgmental glare and swung forward to admit the four.

As soon as they were in the Common Room, they burst into excited whispers.

"Ace! Absolutely ace!" James crowed triumphantly, throwing an arm around Remus's shoulders. "Best idea you ever had, mate, and I'm including every time you ever said we should go down to the kitchens for tarts at midnight."

"But look at Sirius," Remus said, his brow furrowing as Sirius lifted his shirt up to inspect his back. (He wasn't very capable and looked rather like a dog chasing its tail.) "Merlin, I'm so sorry."

"Ah, what, this?" Sirius grinned, still too keyed up to care much about his well-being. "I'll bet it gets me a date with that blonde Hufflepuff sixth year before the end of the week."

"Wish I'd got one," Peter muttered. James looked at him sympathetically.

"Look at _you_, though, Remus," Sirius continued. "That's the best we've seen you on a full moon in ages. Not all torn up like you normally are. And it was _fun_, mate!"

Remus grinned reluctantly. "It was fun."

"That's more like it!" James nodded, as they headed up the staircase to bed.

**o**

"Oi, Wormtail," James whispered, nudging Peter with his foot. Peter looked up from where he was writing his essay on the floor and frowned.

"That's an awful nickname. It's bad enough being a rat, did you have to come up with that to go along with it?" Peter asked, casting a baleful glance at Sirius, whose idea all the nicknames had been.

"You might be losing your touch, mate," James nodded in agreement. "It's been downhill since 'Moony.'"

"Hey!" Sirius exclaimed, offended. "What's wrong with Prongs?"

"Seems like you're just giving them obscure descriptions." This commentary from Remus, who was across the room at a table—making much more headway on his own essay than the other three put together—had Sirius looking positively aghast. "Like when you were trying to call me 'Wolfy.' Remember?"

"Well if you lot are so good at coming up with nicknames, why haven't I got one yet?"

"Oh no," Remus said, placing his quill back on the parchment. "I wash my hands of it."

Sirius turned his accusatory gaze on James and Peter.

"I've already told you how fond I am of 'Snuffles', but you've shot it down every time." James sighed sadly. "And you didn't like Fluffy, Buddy, or Princess, either."

"That's because you're not naming a new puppy."

"Are you looking for something more like what you've given us?" Peter asked, still a little bitter. "Because then I might recommend Poobreath, Pads, or Droolmouth."

Sirius ignored the less flattering monikers and nodded thoughtfully. "Pads really isn't bad. Too short though. Have another go."

Remus sighed. "If you get your name will you go back to working on that essay? Because I have no desire to write two this evening and you can't miss handing in another. Slughorn will never forgive you."

"I suppose I'll have to once there's nothing more interesting going on. Sure."

"How's Padfoot, then?"

A slow grin crept across Sirius's face; James and Peter both nodded enthusiastically.

"Settled? Good. Now write your paper."

**o**

Another night successfully spent ruling the Forbidden Forest. Remus had just made his painful transition back to boyhood—the others were now in the habit of waiting until he was fully human before beginning their own transformations. He ran a hand through his mussed hair and groped about for his clothes. It had been a little humiliating, at first, to return to his own shape shivering and without clothing while his friends were fully clothed and jubilant, but he'd gotten used to it. In fact, Remus found that it made it easier for him to get over the shock of the transformation to have his smiling friends around him, and he'd taken to removing his clothes in the woods before the moon rose.

It was their first fully uneventful night. It had taken them two months but, for the first time, all four boys had returned to the castle without a single scratch between them. Sirius and James were chatting excitedly and Peter looked exhausted—the late nights seemed to be hardest on him (probably because he had to run twice as fast to keep up with his long-legged companions.) As they climbed the stairs to the Gryffindor common room, Remus heard James's voice.

"Hey, Moony?"

"Yeah, Prongs?"

"Let's always do this, yeah?"

"What?" Sirius asked. "Run amok in the grounds of our school? Gonna be a bit awkward when we're in our forties, I reckon."

James rolled his eyes.

"I mean let's always be idiots. Let's just goof off and see each other when we feel like it and make bad jokes at each other's expense."

"Why so serious, Prongs?" Sirius asked.

"Can you stop being a wanker and just indulge my sentimentality?"

"He means let's always be friends," Peter grinned.

"Well, I'll think about it," Remus said, climbing through the portrait hole first. "As long as none of you do anything especially stupid."

"That's for you, Peter!" Sirius crowed, clapping the smaller boy on the shoulder.

"Yeah, you know Moony's only friends with _geniuses_ like him."

"Then how come he hangs around with you two?"

Peter, at the end of the line, finally clambered into the common room and the portrait hole swung shut behind them.


End file.
